this year! That's a comfort; new situations
frighten and upset me. I see most of our
classmates have returned and many of them got
buff or busty over the summer, dang. Anyway, I
don't know about you guys, but all summer I've
been dreading the new school year. And looking
forward to it too, sure! Vacation may be over and
we have tons of homework now (argh, homework)
but at the same time I kind of missed all of you
guys, you know? It doesn't matter that we've been
in high school for six years, what matters is we've
got each other. Let's make this year count. Let's
map our futures. Let's fall in love, even! I feel like
this is the year. Let's come of age together.
Anyway, real quick: You should know the drill by
now. The Vampire Diaries is one of the best
shows on television. Hush, haters, let me
continue. Yes, we complain about it a lot, but
when this show is boiled down to its basics—
a sprawling cast of insanely appealing and
talented actors, ambitious plot mechanics,
outrageously labyrinthine mythology—there is
really nothing like it on television. Good or
bad, TVD is always fun to talk about and it's
never boring, and that is my favorite and truest
compliment I can pay to any show. Like with all
other art, we can simultaneously hold numerous
conflicting opinions about one thing. That is
normal and encouraged! Me, I prefer to focus on
the spectrum of my feelings that is the "I like it"
part. That's more a life philosophy than anything,
but it definitely makes my days brighter as we all
cartwheel into a mass grave.
I had a long paragraph I was going to put here
about something that is bothering me about The
Vampire Diaries lately, not only in "I'll
Remember" but over the past few seasons: It's
increasingly clear that the characters are bad
people. Like, villains almost, and in ways I don't
think they used to be. Even Caroline and Matt did
terrible things in this episode, and don't even get
me started on Lady David Koresh, Elena. But is
that the kind of thing that is even useful to say out
loud anymore? We're in Season 6. TVD is pretty
much set in its tropes, so we may as well just
focus on the things that didn't bum us out, right?
Right? I truly don't know, but let's talk about it!
I LOVE a slasher-film-style cold open, so it was a
very good sign when we began in the woods with
two teens making out in a tent. But in a chilling
turn of events, their mouth noises were
upsettingly loud. Seriously, I borderline had to
mute the TV during this part. Gross, guys.
Anyway, obviously there was a noise of something
lurking outside the tent and it made me laugh
when the guy forced the girl to go check on it.
What a modern twist of dickery!
I have to assume that these two were only going
camping in the woods of Mystic Falls because
they had a shared death wish?
Anyway, it wasn't a monster or anything. Unless if
by 'monster' you mean 'grossly incompetent
person indirectly responsible for the deaths of
hundreds.'
So, false scare. (Although, did this mean Sheriff
Forbes was the one making the rustling sounds
outside the tent? It couldn't have been a vampire
because we were in the magic-free zone, right? Is
Sheriff Forbes an actual creep?)
But don't worry, a few seconds later the teens
walked outside of Mystic Falls city limits (which
you could tell because of the sign posted
randomly in the woods) and they both got ATE
UP.
But come on, guys. It might've been dark, but that
ombre blow-out was recognizable from a mile
away. Elena, our lead character and audience
surrogate, was out MUTILATING INNOCENTS
AGAIN.
So the first act was mostly to catch us up with
what had happened since Damon and Bonnie
pulled a Fight Club and embraced oblivion. As
Elena explained in her voiceover (which was
thankfully NOT a diary entry), it was about six
months later, which meant she was now in her
Sophomore year of college. That's right, two
consecutive seasons that began in the Fall!
Already I was unsettled and surprised. Also Elena
was lighting candles in a tomb for some reason.
BUT WHY?
If this next revelation didn't send chills up your
spine, I don't know what will: Elena is now PRE-
MED. But just when it seemed like sick irony that
the show's least repentant genocide enthusiast
might actually want to help other people, she
admitted that now she'll get all the free blood
bags her tiny fists can grab. Classic Elena!
Also the Mystic Grill was still under construction,
which is weird considering all the times in the
past it'd been destroyed and they'd reopened days
later good as new? Also Matt had joined some
weird neighborhood watch Tae-Bo club and the
members were all hunks and babes and sheriffs
from Eureka.
And oh look, IT'S JEREMY!! Wait, whoops,
Jeremy's busy. Sorry, Jeremy, we'll check back in
later.
Meanwhile somewhere in Georgia, Stefan had
become an ordinary blue collar regular Joe, just
fixin cars and keeping it real. Very Season
2 James from Twin Peaks. Well, even more than
usual.
Caroline dropped out of college so she could have
more weird picnics with her mom just outside the
city limits. It's mostly weird because later in the
episode we learn there's a diner on the border of
town. So why exactly was Sheriff Forbes setting
up elaborate picnic lunches for her daughter
during patrol hours? Nevermind. The important
thing was that there was now an invisible wall
surrounding the town inside which magic doesn't
work and vampires will die.
But the biggest bummer out of all the updates was
the fact that Elena was now a full-blown DRUG
ADDICT. Here she was guzzling some drugs:
And it was all so she could hallucinate her dead
boyfriend.
That is some dark, dark stuff. So, yeah, a lot can
happen in six months I guess.
My favorite new thing was this:
Tyler was now fully enrolled in college and also
fully enrolled in the I Like You Game with Liv. I
APPROVE OF THIS.
Meanwhile Alaric is now teaching Occult Studies
and he's the kind of professor who gets real
uptight whenever students start drinking blood in
class. Because oh right, he's still a vampire.
Yet Tyler is a human with a werewolf gene. I know
there is some kind of explanation for why they
each came back from The Other Side differently,
but does it actually matter? No, it doesn't.
What is the opposite of hate? My vocabulary isn't
the greatest, so pardon me for asking, but is there
a word or phrase that might be the polar opposite
of "I hated" something? I can't remember it.
Anyway, whatever the word is, that's how I felt
about Stefan's pants here.
Meanwhile Matt came home from Tae Bo club
and confronted Jeremy about all the XBox and
beer and girls he'd been chugging.
So that was how Jeremy was dealing with the grief
of losing Bonnie. By behaving like a normal
college dude. But he wasn't in college, so I guess
that's the problem. Go to college, Jeremy. Just
kidding, you do you. (Hi, Jeremy.)
So, Elena's drug dealer was my OTHER new
favorite character, dreamy Luke. And he had
started to see the signs that Elena was an out of
control junkie and he tried to cut her off, so the
next thing we knew she was scrambling around
his dorm room like a desperate crackhead
For more INFO go to---www.tv.com/m/shows/the-vampire-diaries/community/post/the-vampire-diaries-season-6-episode-1-ill-remember-review-photo-recap-price-peterson-141228367757/
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