formings, or by swag – I am simply an
unapologetic Ajebutter by default. I didn't
choose to be born one. God, without
seeking my opinion (because He's God, I
guess), gave me the genes of an Ajebutter
and a funny Bri-Merican accent . By luck or
some twisted work of fate, fortune, Karma
(I might have killed ten defenseless puppies
in my past life) or destiny, I have found
myself in Lagos, crazy Lasgidi, and this is
my story…
Since I said goodbye to the Lagos mainland,
crossed the third mainland bridge for good, and
settled comfortably in the Island, Ajah, my love
life has never been the same.
Life has new meaning for me, and so does love. I
was born a romantic, grew up a romantic, and
thought I'll leave this earth as a romantic. But
since I moved to Lagos, I've seen ladies in
Surulere, Yaba, Mushin, Sango, Egbeda and
Ikeja disgustingly chew up and spit out my
scented love letters and poems, burn up all the
little red roses I have spent hard-earned money
on, and even found a way to tell me that "romance
was is for Oyibo, show me the money jare."
How depressing.
But now I'm on the Island, and tush people are
everywhere, my inner playboy has been
unleashed, and with good effects too. Women
here are content to hold your hand and walk in
the evenings, sharing your space, talk and silence.
Sure they love their recharge cards, perfumes and
outings, but since they have you, all the material
things of the world just seems so immaterial.
I once met a lady on the Island who looked into
my eyes for 5 minutes, laughed hard at all my
jokes, touched my elbow occasionally, and finally
told me that I made her feel special again. On the
mainland, women only feel ever so special when
my wallet begins to show itself frequently. The
last time a lady on the mainland told me how
special I made her feel, she was busy battling with
6 shopping bags filled with various stuff. Stuff
that I paid for, off course!
So why the difference? Aren't women believed to
have a universal language as all the deep books
about love has revealed? Why does money turns
the mainland girls on, and the Island girls drool
on your repertoire of gentleman skills?
I think the answer isn't hard to find. The
mainland girls watch Nollywood movies, where a
fat and motherly Mercy Johnson will play the
character of a teenage lover girl, and try to play a
fast one on a portly Jim Iyke. The Island girls
watch the emotional gems that Hollywood release
into the cinemas. They see a man love a woman
with his entire being, and his greatest act of
sacrifice is to lay down his life or offer a great
personal sacrifice to give her an advantage in life.
That's the difference!
Also the Island ladies listen to famous
contemporary love singers. Bruno Mars, Adam
Levine, Sam Smith, John Legend, Jason
Derulo, Trey Song and Ed Sheeran. The
mainland women love Olamide, Reminisce,
and Wizkid's version of love and passion. Except
the 'Aye' song. They want their designer wears,
although they can afford to wait a bit for the
Ferrari.
These things matter. Ajebutters are seen as rich
people. No lady ever believes that a Brimerican-
sounding Joey Akan, does not in any point in
time have 2 dimes to rub together in his pocket.
They think the money is in the freshness, and
packaging. But the reality of it is far from the
surface.
I admit there have been days when drinking Garri
has been very attractive, and groundnut has
tasted like pizza, but on the Island, those days will
not seem so bad, because a Lagos Island girl will
be ready to drink that garri with you.
Just like in the American movies.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld from Glo Mobile.